From the Dog's Mouth
an excerpt from Oscar's diary

Can someone please tell me about cats? I am very curious about them, and they seem to reciprocate, yet when I get near them their tail flairs out like a feather duster and they make this high pitched hissy breathing sound, which also displays their pathetically small yet sharp teeth. I can only imagine what would happen if I tried to initiate play.

In the past month no less than four cats have moved in. They are everywhere, and they must have some sort of cat communication system set up because every time I see one, another soon follows. They use this communication system regularly. It's gotten to the point where I can't go outside without seeing them. I can't take a poo without looking over my should only to find them peeking out from the underbrush. Occasionally they creep closer to me, sensing my weak moment. It's vicious, and I won't stand for it.

I'm not saying that I'm afraid of cats. The reason I ran away this morning was because I still had a lot of landmarks to pee on. And if I appeared to be nervous or jumpy it was actually because the temperature had dropped significantly overnight, and as we all know, my fur isn't sufficiently thick enough to keep me warm. Coupled with being put face to face with a species of animal I just don't understand (and before breakfast, no less), it's evident why I couldn't stay and chit chat with the local cat gang.

And this is the one thing I don't understand: why are cats allowed to roam free? Isn't it evident they are a vicious type and a menace to dogs everywhere? Beyond that, it's not fair that they walk the streets at will while I must remain at the end of a tether. Me, sweet, innocent me, who has never thought of stalking another animal this way (what? birds are animals too? and squirrels? since when?). It's an outrage. I'm tired of their mind games, and as soon as I figure out a way, those cats will be sorry they ever interrupted my business.