Me So Funny ...........................................................................

Occasionally, I will consider a career--really consider it--and decide I would be great at it. For example, I would be an excellent architect, teacher, golfer, professional Boggle player, and writer. But to be an architect I would need to go back to school for an entirely different education, which I can't afford. To be a teacher, I would need to get over my fear of being mistaken for a student, and I would probably need to be more excited about the actual teaching and less about the long vacations. Golf--maybe I wouldn't be a good golfer after all, but I would bring some long needed style to the game. Boggle--I'm not sure anyone can do this game professionally. And writer--ah, well, I'm still working on that one.

The most recent profession, and I think I could actually do this one if I put my mind to it, is to be a standup comedian. I began watching NBC's Last Comic Standing this season, and after seeing all the failures who think they really have something to offer, I decided there no reason I couldn't join them. Now I go around making up comedy routines in my head. I'll start with a not-so-surprising statement like, "I hate picky eaters," and then I'll imagine a picky eater in my head and I'll make fun of them. Then I'll segue into how I'm not a picky eater, but I'm picky about preparation. I won't eat chicken unless it's been so processed that it looks like a bulging finger. Or how Chinese food is so greasy, and, well, I'm still working on how to turn this into a joke. Clearly I'm not stage ready.

But as with most of the other careers I've failed to realize, something holds me back from being a comic. The fear of rejection. I've been up on stage before, enough that I would be able to guage the audience's reaction if things weren't going well. It seems like some comedians never practice the art of translation from their head to their mouth to the ears to the brains of their audience. They never really stop to think if someone else will think their material is funny. They only practice in front of the mirror, playing both parts. They recite their routines to no one in particular while walking down the sidewalk on the way to buy another rubber vegetable for their prop box. And one time, they told their best joke to their mom, and she loved it.

That won't be me. Instead, I'd rather attempt to be funny on this blog, and hopefully, one day, someone will read it and laugh a little.

It's Been Too Long, And I Have So Far To Go .....................

I've gotten that itch again...the need to tell people about the trivial thoughts that appear in my brain. Many moons ago, I taught myself to turn these trivial thoughts into blog topics. For a time, those thoughts disappeared (that's not to say I began having significant thoughts), and alas, in the past few weeks, I've noticed their presence again.

And so now I come here to store those thoughts. It makes me wonder though--will these thoughts add up to anything one day? Why do I bother? I suppose I like to humor myself, and occasionally, if my internal comedy button is turned up to high, I like to humor other people. And now I feel too indulgent, so I will stray back to my original intended topic.

All I can think about lately is gasoline. And since I drive a little ol' Honda, this whole gas conservation thing is new to me. Two weeks ago, my husband purchased an old bicycle for me to ride around town to complete my errands...I've stopped running errands. I only drive my car to work, which is now 20 minutes away compared to my previous job which was only seven minutes away. On this drive, I constantly watch my speedometer, edging away from the maximum speed posted on the highway. Since I've begun this, I've noticed my car uses a noticeably lesser amount of gas, and I am pleased.

But how, I constantly wonder, can I use even less? Every time I turn on the radio, some reporter is telling me that the cost of a barrel of oil has risen again. Who knows when it will end? Today I heard that John McCain is in favor of offering up a $300 million prize for the first person to develop an engine that doesn't run on oil. I'm beginning to hear of alternate fuels more mysterious and complex than cars running on corn or McDonald's grease waste: like Brown's Gas, a device that can be attached to your engine that converts water to a gas that raises the octane level of the gasoline and causes it to burn much more efficiently. Translation: less trips to the gas station, more trips to the grocery store. Phew, this stuff makes my head spin.

I'd like to end this blog with an anecdote. I'm working at a day camp with school aged children for the summer. We talked about oil spills one day, and I began by explaining where oil comes from, and how it is used after it is drilled. Essentially, as I told the children how much our daily lives are dependent on this mucky stuff dredged up from the depths of Earth, I was overwhelmed. I suddenly wanted to pick up a huge sign and protest somewhere. Get in people's faces and make them face reality. Accidentally spit on them during passionate speeches. Really feel like I can make a difference in the world on this subject.

But where? And how will I get there if it is too far to ride my bike?