Where Does Time Go?

I don't mean to get philosophical, but time is complex. Think about this time and that time, and time to come. Time on a speeding train. Time capsules.

And all the time I waste on the weekends.

It's a strange phenomenon. Time speeds up on the weekends. It slows down to a halt when I'm having a bad day. And since it's easy to talk about time in terms of speed, someone needs to invent a time brake and a time gas pedal.

Then again, what would I do with my manipulated weekend time? This weekend, I had to nurse a hangover and avoid my neighbor (long story). I didn't have the energy to take Oscar to the dog park. So is my real problem time management, or an energy deficiency? That said, I probably don't deserve a time manipulation device. I like to think I'd use it to get more writing done, and to accomplish very important tasks, but let's face it--I'd just take more naps.

How to Take Over the World

We've all had our stomach take over, driving us around the office, on the prowl for anything, anything to satiate its little growlings. While some people may claim to be in control of their snacking habits, the vending machine tells another tale...

Standing in front of that dratted machine this morning, with no desire other than to appease the pitiful pangs of my belly, I wondered who would be coerced into purchasing a "Smooshed Apple Flat" or the "Cococo Chocolate Organic Crackers." Only the deepest craving could force one to press the corresponding number and retrieve these scary sounding treats (if they can even be called treats). With so little options to vend today, and with such a pressing ache under my belt, I realized I was at the mercy of the machine. I suddenly saw the possibilities: by basing vending operations on a barter system, tasty snacks could be traded for small deeds. Imagine the possibilities. In the wrong hands, it could be dangerous.

While I would not take over the world with this plan (it could be done, by no means is this the most efficient way), I'm thinking of installing one in my house to barter for small chores. You may have a cookie if you mop the floor. You may have a granola bar if you empty the dishwasher, and so on. The beauty of it all is that I won't have to feed my guests anything significant and they'll never notice because the junk food compensation will outweigh their expectations. Believe me, it will work!